alone NOT lonely

ok, I am a recovering relationship addict… for the most part of my adult life I’ve been in committed relationships. When I’m not in a relationship I’m usually booed up in some capacity. This became so evident that a friend labeled me a “serial monogamous”. Longing for companionship the way I did/do is unhealthy for many reasons- most prominent being: you find yourself in unions out of convenience and boredom. In this entry I will discuss my relationship addiction realization while hopefully helping some of you realize that you too addicted to companionship.

-when you’re single do you find yourself giving into the most random hangout invites with someone you ordinarily would not give the time of day?

-Do you often look at chicks in relationships who you believe don’t have as much to offer as you do like-“wtf?!” (you’re probably shallow- we will talk about this later)

-are you so seldomly single that when you are you get comments like “I’ve been waiting on you to be single since 2007” from suiters you never knew had a thing for you?

-do you often entertain people who you know you willl never want to build anything substantial with out of fear of loneliness?

– Do your friends give you the “where is the old one?!” face when you introduce your new boo at a gathering?

-While chatting with friends about “the bait” do you have to constantly remind them that your talking about someone new?

-Do you treat relationships like a game of hop-scotch you know jumping from one woman to the next?

-Are you so accustomed to having someone to fall asleep next to that you have a hard time falling asleep alone? In a shameful attempt to remedy this you invite some Rando over for a “sleep over” and constantly remind them there will be NO SEX.

-While single are you miserable or restless?

– can you fathom doing “datey” things alone? if no… why not? probably cause you dont like being alone

– Do your neighbors make comments about how soon you replace females?

Little Lezzies, if you answered yes to more than 7 of these you need to really think about why you’re never alone! Do you even like you?! Being alone is imperative in order to figure your own shit out! I know first hand that my relationships failed because I hadn’t taken the necessary time to deal with my own shit so when i tried to deal with someone else and their shit it was impossible. After some much needed alone time I realize that I’m really quite dope; and it will take a really special person when the time is right to partner up. Codependency is really unattractive; independence is really the way. After you’re comfortable being independent (alone) then and only then should one begin to date. If your ass relly must have SOMETHING around get a puppy!!! This is really just how I feel- but I’m certain its fact…if only in my head. While being alone might pain you- theres nothing better than the moment you realize you’re okay.

EvJ

My feelings are best expressed through song- thanks to my Honey friend for introducing me to this

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Hearts aren’t for thinking!!!

I am romantic by nature. I’m not talking about that corny red roses and candle light crap. I’m talking dates outside on a grassy hill where we snack on homemade foods and wine while Al Green plays in the background softly as we talk about our deepest feelings while we look at the clouds-That there is my jam. I crave my type of romance like a pregnant chick craves food combinations that don’t go together. When I’m dealing with a woman who gives me the romance that I need I’m in the clouds, you can’t get me to come down for shit. I believe in romance and love so much I call myself The HopeFUL romantic. After talking to my friend Nik (heeeey munch) about my LEScapades she told me some real shit- “You’re smarter than this!” It was at that moment that I realized that my hopefulness was overpowering my brain.

I’m pretty much a vet in these dyke streets- I am not new to this; I’m true to this. With all these sapphic years under my belt you would think I’d see fuckery/ heartache from a mile away. But no- I continually see through rose colored glasses! I try to see the good in all things it just makes living easier. But when it comes to dating I allow seeing the good to over power acknowledging the bad/real. I get it no one is perfect! Whatever, I know that shit! I just gotta keep my head in the game…. Don’t let your heart do the thinking that’s not its job, use ya brain! No matter how beautiful she is, use ya brain! No matter how good the box is, use ya brain! Oh she’s “deep”- that’s cute…. But…USE YA BRAIN! She listens to every arbitrary thought you have as if it could save the world…. Awesome! But use ya brain! No one owes my heart shit but me- I can’t be upset at these girls for making me feel a way with out first checking myself for allowing them in enough to do so. Had I used my brain I wouldn’t feel any kind of way. “To yourself be true, don’t be no fool when love really don’t love you”

My feelings are best described through song.- my disco anthem
youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXsosNMI0j4&w=420&h=315%5D

Little Miss Serendipity

So this was the second valentineless Valentine’s Day in a row for me, and I was totally fine with It. I have literally no interest in awkward “romantic” rituals done out of tradition by someone who doesn’t love me. I spent the day doing normal shit and spent the evening with my friends/family most of whom are single at  Miya Baileyand Corey Davis’ art show. We had a cute time there …and dissipated on not so cute terms. Blah-
I decided to turn in early….when get an innocent text from someone I’ve known for like seven years  at 11:04. She and I have always been cool-perhaps attracted but never made a move due to various reasons. Prior to this text we had been conversing here and there for healthy conversations sake -you know? After texting a while she calls me. We talk about everything from astrology to relationships,careers, art, chosen expression of art, religion it was like an intergalactic carpet ride, real shit! After realizing it was 3am we decide to wind down and make our descent towards earth , she asked me if I had plans for later that day- I said I was pretty much free. Her response was “let’s get up” I casually responded “k” I didn’t know if it was a date or what.
So…. Enter Little Miss Serendipity. We settled on meeting at a local feminist book store, Charis We read to one another found out more about each other, she got me a book I’d been interested in for years My Princess Boy After agreeing to call the day what it was…. A DATE! We grabbed some food from my favorite “Cubexican” restaurant Lafonda. Then- she took me to the cutest tea shop without knowing how much I love tea and tea parties! At this point I was pretty much on cloud nine!!
We both knew the other had prior plans but weren’t done with each other. Luckily our plans didn’t have conflicting times. We resolved to do both things together and it was cool.
We went to breakfast around 2am and made plans to spend the day together the next day (Sunday). Spending the day together consisted of two church services (so yes, Jesus from 10:30-5ish) YES, she loves The Lord AND tea, has her SOUL together , the most beautiful deep mind, and did I mention mama’s beauty is equivalent to a cool breeze on a hot summer day?! After we wrapped up with church she told me we we re going to see Alvin Ailey!!! (Insert teenage girl like squeal here)
So nah, I didn’t have a valentine; but the whole weekend was crazy romantic in a way that suits me. My favorite things were included…. Music, friends, tea Hispanic food, dance, AND JESUS!
I call her serendipity cause I wasn’t looking for her(or anyone), but she’s sho ’nuff a good thing! I know a lot of y’all aren’t into joy and happiness,ha! As long as she’s around I anticipate lots of it. So far- Everyday with this woman is the 14th.

My feelings are best expressed trough song….
I was happy before but now…..

LovHer 12/22

I love love love lovher parties. I’m not really big on going out but Adah Duval gives us a great parties on the regular.
I enjoy the crowd no ruckus, older set you know? Without being ancient and creepy. Well I will be there and I suppose other awesomes will be there too. Come out! See you at 10th and piedmont on Saturday night!

What is closure?

*disclaimer* This post isn’t funny- hardly witty and wont be jammed packed with cursing- I’m improving on me-if you’re not interested in personal growth of yourself/others this isn’t for you. As always… IT AINT FOR EVERYBODY

I personally have a problem with closure- I feel like I haven’t gotten it in the breakups where I needed it most. But really what is “closure”? Like the door is closed! What more do you need? For me Closure is more about forgiveness and contentment. Where a lot of us get life fucked up is we think we need to forgive the ex for all the wrong they did to us and we believe we can only find contentment in their arms.  What I realized is that I need to forgive me for quitting on the relationship and that I’ve gotta be comfortable with me- I’m a dope girlfriend but I’m even doper alone!

I believe I’ve been in love twice in life- two times where I felt I never received closure in a way I thought I needed. I have a great deal of anxiety associated with this lack of closure.  My anxiety isn’t a terrible case but it’s enough anxiety that it sometimes leaves me feeling unable to breathe with ease and with no actual desire to move. One night I was up with a terrible bout of anxiety- I was trying to work my way through it without taking my Lorazepam. I made a comment about what I was going through on Facebook when a friend of mine asked me what was going on. Once I told my friend what it was that I was going through her solution for me was “You need to forgive them” It was that moment when I realized I had forgiven these women ages ago but still harbored resentment towards myself.

The resentment I had gone on unrealized just growing and festering. I’d thought for years it was the women who owed me something- some sort of finale. I was super wrong- I was pissed because I felt that no matter what these girls did to me I could’ve tried to salvage the relationship but I rightfully tapped out. I quit because I knew with them at that time I’d reached my breaking point- doesn’t mean I stopped loving them. I had to forgive me for quitting on a love that wasn’t dead. Hopefully knowing this will allow me to no longer love them beyond our current labels. Life has no rewind button and it never will. I need to live today and come to terms with yesterday and look forward for tomorrow. Once I realized what I needed to do- I had moment in life when everything was good. Now that I wrote this- I feel incredibly better!

My feelings are best expressed in song (sorry there wasn’t an actual video)

Its Not Me- Its You.

Last week I was at Bible Study when I heard something that really stuck with me “Just because they aren’t for you doesn’t mean they are a bad a person” Sounds like a simple thought for most; but for me personally I have a really tough time cutting people off who are generally good and probably GREAT mates for someone else. Learning to tactfully trim people from your life is essential no matter how good they are especially when it comes to matters of the heart. The trick is letting the people go for real not just sending them on a sabbatical.
I will finally go on record and say Little Miss Asshole would be an outstanding woman for a girl who can deal with her. I am almost certain I am not that girl. She is sensitive, attractive, gainfully employed, loves to shop, well spoken, educated, likes shoes and really finds joy in purchasing them for her mate etc. However it’s not a package that will keep me satisfied. It’s like this: women are like food some are main courses (the protein), others are side dishes (girls that are good little side pieces but won’t ever be enough on their own), while some are desserts (yummy little fun girls), and others are buffets (take what you want leave what you don’t but keep in mind someone has been breathing all over it). If you understand this doctrine you know that you shouldn’t just have protein or just desert. I am NOT LOOKING for a mate but if I were to happen upon one just know she will HAVE to be a full course meal. So is Little Miss Asshole’s Package a bad one? Nah- it’s just I’m not the intended recipient! Imagine opening your Grandma’s year supply of Depends during Christmas- totally practical for her, but you have complete control over your urine and bowels so you don’t need them!
Letting someone you know deep down isn’t good for you for whatever the reason doesn’t mean they are an awful person it just means that they aren’t your “forever”. It takes an incredible sense of discernment to be able to do this correctly. Trust me I know- I’ve cut people off both far too soon and far too late. Like Kanye said in ‘Heard em Say’ “They say people in ya life are seasons- and anything happen it’s for a reason”.

My feelings are best expressed in song
Heard Em Say- Kaye West

till next time…

2014 resolutions

Ok, I’m back- yes after yet another hiatus. I really needed to collect my thoughts and quite frankly get my love life together. Let me give y’all a quick catch up. I started back dating Little Miss Asshole, she moved in and everything. Things still just couldn’t work out; I don’t think either of us was fully committed to making things peaceful, so it was a constant warzone. She promptly moved out and into a living situation I’m just not a fan of (I’m sorry that I’m not sorry!) Enter Little Miss Baby Gap. She is just as pretty as she wants to be, body is amazing however mama is 5 years my junior. What she lacks in honesty, fidelity and maturity she makes up in gaped toothed smiles that just melt my heart.

So now that y’all are basically caught up let’s talk present day. I’m single like a dollar bill and it’s the top of the year; you know how MFs be on that “New year, new me bull”? I was sort of inspired by this faulty notion- “New year, new dating perspective”. Let’s be honest ya girl isn’t getting ANY younger… So I have no time to play with, coach or tutor these bitches. I know where my standards are, however, I only have two “rules” when it comes to dating  1. No puss on the first date 2. Don’t go “cannon balling” in to love- just stick your toe in. I for one have NO interest in being the same fool twice. With all that said I’ve decided to give myself 2014 dating resolutions.

2014 dating Resolutions

1. Live right now, you can’t compare these new gals to ya old heads. You can’t expect them to love you whole heartedly like Little Miss One Who Got Away. Or have the “fuck with me you know I got itness” of Little Miss Crazytown
2. Don’t make excuses for these females, and while you’re at it- don’t accept theirs
3. No matter how horny you get she can’t get the puss until she has stimulated your mind and won your heart.
4. Remember to close one door fully before you open another
5. Don’t be bitter, but don’t forget what you’ve learned from bitter woman R&B classics such as Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard it All before” and Fantasia’s “Free Yourself”
6. Does she support your dreams, does she have aspirations you can support?
7. Remember these bitches show you who they are in week one don’t ignore that shit.
8. Is she just a “fungirl” if yes, no big deal- just treat her as such
9. Quit cooking for these chicks- your cooking is REMARKABLE not everyone deserves it!
10. Remember in the words of O.C Allen III “at this point in my life I’m looking for faucets- not toilets”. Meaning I need someone who’s adding to my life not someone who just a receptacle for pee and poo
11.  Is she your intellectual equal or higher? If nah- bye girl
12. Despite my foul mouth I have a very strong relationship with my God. From here on out I gotta require that my mate has one too- if not do you want to work on your spirituality? I can’t have a spirituality void person in my life again. I go back and forth on if I only see myself with someone with the same religious affiliations as me.

I think that will do it; I mean God only needed 10 commandments who do I think I am to have 12 resolutions? Well I hope someone besides me will hold be accountable for this- I mean that’s kinda the purpose of this.

I will post again soon-
EVJ

My feelings are best expressed through song: Here I Go Again- White Snake
enjoy!

Bitches be Crazy, no?

Ok sorry for the hiatus- I honestly just didn’t have much to talk about. Until recently that is. After having an unwarranted cyber run in with a crazy ass female I thought to myself… “gay bitches are nuts!” Like even straight bitches are a little loopy on average but when it comes to lesbians its outta fucking control! In all of my past relationships, encounters, hell even dates there’s been aha moments when I’m like “this bitch is a little crazy”. If you know me you know that until recently I was just shy of bat-shit crazy my damn self. Let us talk about the different types of crazy that are commonly found in these dykey streets.

Little Miss I love you On the Second Date: this chick sees a future with you when there’s clearly none. Shes like Raven in the tv show “That’s So Raven” her visions are all mixed up. She’s in love with the idea of being in love and anyone will do. If she’s single it’s never for long. She will post a kissy face pic with a new bitch often talking about “Me and the Mrs” with no explanation as to what happened to the old gal.

Little Miss Imma have her kids call me daddy:  Oh no ma’am! You have a pussy- you will be no one’s daddy, ever!

Little Miss Imma harass your ex/current : This female is insecure for one reason or another and takes it out on the ex/current chick , she is very closely related to the next little miss. Anyway, this woman will have misdirected anger and aim it towards the chick that is most likely amazing in the areas in which she isn’t. What’s most odd about this creature is more times than not she has tons going for her but she’s worried about the wrong thing. Honestly I’ve been harassed as the ex and as the current and let me tell you baby: these bitches are the worst kind!

Little Miss you can’t be friends with your exes, or females of the opposite role (stud/femme): Oh god, I’ve been guilty of this one in my past. This bitch wants to control every move you make often times it’s because in her free time she is usually doing dirt.

Little Miss Looking for a Mama- she has or had a not so great relationship with her Mother and inadvertently dates women who fit her (mom’s) basic description. The worst part about this chick is that she really is just looking for love that you can’t give her. She isn’t your child so the love won’t be what she needs. There’s another type of “LMLfaM” the chick who has such a fucked up relationship with her mother that she purposely chooses any female that looks NOTHING like her mom  because in her sick, sad mind all light skinned women are fucked up cause her mama is (or whatever the issue is).

Little Miss gimme all your passcodes: Bitch please! You didn’t pay for shit over here. A lot of my friends do this, more power to them! I’m not talking to any other female but TRUST AND BELIEVE every time you do some fuck shit I am reading you from front to back via text with my girl Supe and that’s none of your business.

I could go on and on about crazy bitches after all I’m only recently delivered from that life; however, there’s really no need. I’ve come to the conclusion it’s a waste of time looking for a sane lesbian; the key is to find a chick who balances your crazy. Someone that may be a little nuts, but perhaps cashews when you are peaNUTS so y’all are just some raisins and chocolates away from a healthy snack. You feel me? That’s all I’ve got to say about that EVJ

2013 rules for Black Atlanta Pride

My first vlog, im extremly uncomfortable talking on camera and I warned you guys. My mouth is foul! I hope you enjoy

You’re welcome

Lessons learned as taught by Little Miss Love Song.

So, about Little Miss Love Song who earned that name from being beautiful (inside and out) like a love song. Lets talk about her. Shall we? I did agree that I wouldn’t talk about our, shall we say … Dealings but now that we’re done I assume all agreements are off. So here are little tidbits I gained from the 2 months that we were dealing with one another.

1. If she seems too good to be true. She probably thinks she’s too good for you.
– no matter how much you think you keep it together it will simply not be enough for certain females.

2. Pay attention to all clues.
-if mamma seems unattached chances are she is.
-if you KNOW you can cook down but she still has menu request, she might not value your skill set.

3. Stick to your guns.
-I had planned on celibacy until 2014, so much for that shit. She knew about it and seduced me (cliché right?) supposedly she was abstinent too but one raunchy night… Well, I will spare you the details. But…. Fawk!

4. Beautiful bitches are too much hassle.
-call me shallow but a moderately attractive bitch is more my speed. I would much rather be the prettiest one in the pair.

5. If she’s from your past there could be a reason for it.
-If Little Miss pops up outta no where after a 5 year friendship hiatus perhaps she’s more comfortable in your past.

6. If she seems like everything you’ve ever asked God for he could’ve used her to show you maybe you’re not quite ready for that shit.
-she loves The Lord. Oooooh I love that shit, she’s aesthetically appealing, good, head on her shoulders, employed (three times over) and her favorite vocalist is Miss Anita Baker (my all time favorite). But at the end of the day…. SO?! None of that shit matters now.

Lesson learned. I now know I was blinded by all that glitter that very well could’ve been gold.
That’s it.