FRIENDmance

White men have been on to some real shit for eons THE BROMANCE! I was talking to my favorite cousin, Little Miss Goose, about my addiction to companionship and how dope it would be to have someone (a friend) who I could do datey things with without the pressure of actually dating them. Both of us agreed that a FRIENDmance would best suit me. The rules of engagement would be tough for me I knew this… I’ve never been a fan of rules. But when we’re talking uncharted territories and blurred lines there has got to be some sort of guidelines! The most pressing issue at hand is do you fuck your friend?! Or is this just plainly and simply an innocent cuddle and a playful pat on the ass is as far as this goes type of situation? I’m not one to take part in “no strings attached” sex acts. To be honest I prefer my sex to be very stringy: heart strings, soul strings, mental strings… ha! So um perhaps no sex? Yea… no sex unless there’s a connection of cosmological magnitudes. No annoying questions such as “who is that bitch?” or “who are you with” more raunchy flirty questions like “Say, mama- what that mouth do?!” oh- and statements of affirmation and sweetness such as “I miss your face” “You’re so friggin pretty”.     Y’all catch my drift yet? No awkwardness cause they’re already your friend. If we we’re to hold hands there wouldn’t be any of that annoying fidgetiness or flirty hand petting cause we would just fit together comfortably; you know on account of there’s already an established friendship or at least familiarity.

Then I woke up-would this be dope beyond imagination? Fuck yes! Is it ideal for someone who is about this life? Yup! Am I the girl who could be a willing continual participant in this?! Hell nah shawty! That isn’t me- I’m too smart to ever feel like I’m just an option. I need to know a chick is mine and vice versa. Friends first…. Okay FRIENDmance???? Not for me baby girl! I know me, and I know simply “I can’t go for that” I am all about happiness and the spread of it but my first responsibility is to preserve my own happiness.

My feelings are best expressed through song

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And then There Were Three

 

As I previously told you guys I’m going through an Anti-Social phase (lets pray it’s a phase). I really don’t enjoy being around people in the magnitude in which I used to- its not that they’ve done anything to me in particular; it just like my spirit seems to be in a state of unrest while I’m in an atmosphere where there’s just tons of people no matter how well I know them. This is problematic for a girl who has a group of friends say about…. 15-23 deep. Sounds cray-I know. I have a group of friends who are insanely talented, beautiful, sickening, and witty really and truly all around wonderful people for the most part. We take birthdays quite seriously we all get up effortlessly throw on something gagworthy and do whatever it is that the birthday girl/boy has planned (usually all weekend long). It’s a fun, Instagram worthy time almost every time we all get together- and birthdays?! (eye roll) Honey… they’re just magical.

This birthday was a bit different, well at least for me. Let me give y’all a little history: I was born on the First of April (yes, some people call it April Fool’s Day) AND my absentee father (God rest his soul) died on my 20th Birthday making my birthday even more of a historical shitshow. I go out of my way to ensure my birthday is something amazing yearly- because… that’s how I was raised, it’s MY day and it’s like New Year’s Day for just Me (and whoever else has my birthday). I sent out my b-day invites via text with some loose ass haphazard plans for the Saturday before my birthday that kind of made it clear I wasn’t really celebrating in my normal manner; nonetheless I expected a turnout of 15-20 people cause that just how we do. I began to get “not gunna make it girl” texts and calls  for various valid reasons midday of the celebration and it soon settled in that this year was going to be totally different.

Long story short I celebrated my birthday with three people who I appreciate so stankin much My little Baby Cousin Shalaya, Our friend Tweek and our newest friend Malibu. I didn’t even have time to get in my feelings cause it wasn’t the fanfare I was accustomed to cause these clowns made sure I had a good time. We drank my specialty cocktail OTIS had pizza and shots, danced, laughed our asses off talked about everything from vagina lips to what it is to be a DAB (down ass bitch) On my actual birthday I worked, I got the usual  text/calls/ tweets etc but the only person who made time to really fuck with me was Malibu. I’ve wanted my septum pierced since like 2007 but never had the balls to do it- So we went to get my septum pierced (midlife crisis much?) then I cooked my favorite meal for us partially to show her my gratitude partially cause I wanted Chilean Sea Bass, lobster/ avocado eggrolls and salad with Scallops and feta with a cute mango dressing.

So um….Happy New Ee-jay (the new year for me) I’m not upset with the ones who didn’t come through- I’m just so appreciative to the ones who did. I’m getting too grown to keep doing shit the same way anyhow. No better way to start new practices than New Years day right?

Till next time

EVJ

My feelings are best described through song … Thank you to everyone who helped make my birthday special- thank you for being a friend

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Extrovert turned inside out

I used to be a busy body, someone who always knew where the next turn up was and was there with a drink (or two) in hand. That life was beautifully exhausting and fun at the same time. I ran with a sickening crowd of close friends where it was easy to forget about what really mattered or perhaps what was ailing me. I loved every single moment of this… I really and truly did. I was almost always buzzed or drunk to the point where I was recently told I behaved like Drunk Goldie Hawn in The First Wives club back then.

I recently have wanted nothing more than to be alone- it at times causes extreme discomfort to be around people unless its by my own choosing on my terms. If I halfheartedly agree to do something with people I know very well I find it very hard to fake the funk like I’m enjoying myself and find a quiet and easy exit strategy without bidding my loved ones adieu. You might see how this would be problematic for a person who was once a social butterfly. Butterflies never go back into a cocoon to become caterpillars! So because of all this I have been labeled distant, sometimey, weird, aloof, etc by people who have no clue what this change is that I’m going through due to NO choice of my own. My birthday is next week and this is causing me real life panic.

This alone time has been lonely as fuck; like, no shit…. I still experience  loneliness- but in groups I feel like I’m drowning. Yet while in my lonely state- I’ve been crazy productive: on so many levels mentally,spiritually  and physically.  I Realized I’m super good at doing a ton of things I never imaged I could do and developed talents I knew I had… decided to write children’s books, made a legit piece of furniture, I have been cooking crazy good healthy food,  found a new tea regimen that really makes my day better, I’m even teaching Sunday school to the kids at my church home. I’ve always hated the term “Finding myself” one because I go nowhere without myself- its impossible…. But now I get it. I’m finding exactly what it is that makes me the dopest me that I’ve ever been. Would it be good to share this with my friends and they get it? fuck yes! Half of them are over me (and that’s cool, I guess) Most wont get it, but I have three who do.  To you three I appreciate it- more than yall will ever know.

as always- my feelings are best expressed through song- really its only the first three bars (hmmm there goes the number three again). Its jammy nonetheless- I love SBTRKT

ITS COMPLICATED WHEN YOU GRAVITATE TOWARDS YOURSELF

sorry there’s no official video 😦

Till next time Lil Lezzies-

EeJay

PS:I’m not going nuts

alone NOT lonely

ok, I am a recovering relationship addict… for the most part of my adult life I’ve been in committed relationships. When I’m not in a relationship I’m usually booed up in some capacity. This became so evident that a friend labeled me a “serial monogamous”. Longing for companionship the way I did/do is unhealthy for many reasons- most prominent being: you find yourself in unions out of convenience and boredom. In this entry I will discuss my relationship addiction realization while hopefully helping some of you realize that you too addicted to companionship.

-when you’re single do you find yourself giving into the most random hangout invites with someone you ordinarily would not give the time of day?

-Do you often look at chicks in relationships who you believe don’t have as much to offer as you do like-“wtf?!” (you’re probably shallow- we will talk about this later)

-are you so seldomly single that when you are you get comments like “I’ve been waiting on you to be single since 2007” from suiters you never knew had a thing for you?

-do you often entertain people who you know you willl never want to build anything substantial with out of fear of loneliness?

– Do your friends give you the “where is the old one?!” face when you introduce your new boo at a gathering?

-While chatting with friends about “the bait” do you have to constantly remind them that your talking about someone new?

-Do you treat relationships like a game of hop-scotch you know jumping from one woman to the next?

-Are you so accustomed to having someone to fall asleep next to that you have a hard time falling asleep alone? In a shameful attempt to remedy this you invite some Rando over for a “sleep over” and constantly remind them there will be NO SEX.

-While single are you miserable or restless?

– can you fathom doing “datey” things alone? if no… why not? probably cause you dont like being alone

– Do your neighbors make comments about how soon you replace females?

Little Lezzies, if you answered yes to more than 7 of these you need to really think about why you’re never alone! Do you even like you?! Being alone is imperative in order to figure your own shit out! I know first hand that my relationships failed because I hadn’t taken the necessary time to deal with my own shit so when i tried to deal with someone else and their shit it was impossible. After some much needed alone time I realize that I’m really quite dope; and it will take a really special person when the time is right to partner up. Codependency is really unattractive; independence is really the way. After you’re comfortable being independent (alone) then and only then should one begin to date. If your ass relly must have SOMETHING around get a puppy!!! This is really just how I feel- but I’m certain its fact…if only in my head. While being alone might pain you- theres nothing better than the moment you realize you’re okay.

EvJ

My feelings are best expressed through song- thanks to my Honey friend for introducing me to this

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Hearts aren’t for thinking!!!

I am romantic by nature. I’m not talking about that corny red roses and candle light crap. I’m talking dates outside on a grassy hill where we snack on homemade foods and wine while Al Green plays in the background softly as we talk about our deepest feelings while we look at the clouds-That there is my jam. I crave my type of romance like a pregnant chick craves food combinations that don’t go together. When I’m dealing with a woman who gives me the romance that I need I’m in the clouds, you can’t get me to come down for shit. I believe in romance and love so much I call myself The HopeFUL romantic. After talking to my friend Nik (heeeey munch) about my LEScapades she told me some real shit- “You’re smarter than this!” It was at that moment that I realized that my hopefulness was overpowering my brain.

I’m pretty much a vet in these dyke streets- I am not new to this; I’m true to this. With all these sapphic years under my belt you would think I’d see fuckery/ heartache from a mile away. But no- I continually see through rose colored glasses! I try to see the good in all things it just makes living easier. But when it comes to dating I allow seeing the good to over power acknowledging the bad/real. I get it no one is perfect! Whatever, I know that shit! I just gotta keep my head in the game…. Don’t let your heart do the thinking that’s not its job, use ya brain! No matter how beautiful she is, use ya brain! No matter how good the box is, use ya brain! Oh she’s “deep”- that’s cute…. But…USE YA BRAIN! She listens to every arbitrary thought you have as if it could save the world…. Awesome! But use ya brain! No one owes my heart shit but me- I can’t be upset at these girls for making me feel a way with out first checking myself for allowing them in enough to do so. Had I used my brain I wouldn’t feel any kind of way. “To yourself be true, don’t be no fool when love really don’t love you”

My feelings are best described through song.- my disco anthem
youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXsosNMI0j4&w=420&h=315%5D

Little Miss Serendipity

So this was the second valentineless Valentine’s Day in a row for me, and I was totally fine with It. I have literally no interest in awkward “romantic” rituals done out of tradition by someone who doesn’t love me. I spent the day doing normal shit and spent the evening with my friends/family most of whom are single at  Miya Baileyand Corey Davis’ art show. We had a cute time there …and dissipated on not so cute terms. Blah-
I decided to turn in early….when get an innocent text from someone I’ve known for like seven years  at 11:04. She and I have always been cool-perhaps attracted but never made a move due to various reasons. Prior to this text we had been conversing here and there for healthy conversations sake -you know? After texting a while she calls me. We talk about everything from astrology to relationships,careers, art, chosen expression of art, religion it was like an intergalactic carpet ride, real shit! After realizing it was 3am we decide to wind down and make our descent towards earth , she asked me if I had plans for later that day- I said I was pretty much free. Her response was “let’s get up” I casually responded “k” I didn’t know if it was a date or what.
So…. Enter Little Miss Serendipity. We settled on meeting at a local feminist book store, Charis We read to one another found out more about each other, she got me a book I’d been interested in for years My Princess Boy After agreeing to call the day what it was…. A DATE! We grabbed some food from my favorite “Cubexican” restaurant Lafonda. Then- she took me to the cutest tea shop without knowing how much I love tea and tea parties! At this point I was pretty much on cloud nine!!
We both knew the other had prior plans but weren’t done with each other. Luckily our plans didn’t have conflicting times. We resolved to do both things together and it was cool.
We went to breakfast around 2am and made plans to spend the day together the next day (Sunday). Spending the day together consisted of two church services (so yes, Jesus from 10:30-5ish) YES, she loves The Lord AND tea, has her SOUL together , the most beautiful deep mind, and did I mention mama’s beauty is equivalent to a cool breeze on a hot summer day?! After we wrapped up with church she told me we we re going to see Alvin Ailey!!! (Insert teenage girl like squeal here)
So nah, I didn’t have a valentine; but the whole weekend was crazy romantic in a way that suits me. My favorite things were included…. Music, friends, tea Hispanic food, dance, AND JESUS!
I call her serendipity cause I wasn’t looking for her(or anyone), but she’s sho ’nuff a good thing! I know a lot of y’all aren’t into joy and happiness,ha! As long as she’s around I anticipate lots of it. So far- Everyday with this woman is the 14th.

My feelings are best expressed trough song….
I was happy before but now…..

LovHer 12/22

I love love love lovher parties. I’m not really big on going out but Adah Duval gives us a great parties on the regular.
I enjoy the crowd no ruckus, older set you know? Without being ancient and creepy. Well I will be there and I suppose other awesomes will be there too. Come out! See you at 10th and piedmont on Saturday night!

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