Little Miss Serendipity

So this was the second valentineless Valentine’s Day in a row for me, and I was totally fine with It. I have literally no interest in awkward “romantic” rituals done out of tradition by someone who doesn’t love me. I spent the day doing normal shit and spent the evening with my friends/family most of whom are single at  Miya Baileyand Corey Davis’ art show. We had a cute time there …and dissipated on not so cute terms. Blah-
I decided to turn in early….when get an innocent text from someone I’ve known for like seven years  at 11:04. She and I have always been cool-perhaps attracted but never made a move due to various reasons. Prior to this text we had been conversing here and there for healthy conversations sake -you know? After texting a while she calls me. We talk about everything from astrology to relationships,careers, art, chosen expression of art, religion it was like an intergalactic carpet ride, real shit! After realizing it was 3am we decide to wind down and make our descent towards earth , she asked me if I had plans for later that day- I said I was pretty much free. Her response was “let’s get up” I casually responded “k” I didn’t know if it was a date or what.
So…. Enter Little Miss Serendipity. We settled on meeting at a local feminist book store, Charis We read to one another found out more about each other, she got me a book I’d been interested in for years My Princess Boy After agreeing to call the day what it was…. A DATE! We grabbed some food from my favorite “Cubexican” restaurant Lafonda. Then- she took me to the cutest tea shop without knowing how much I love tea and tea parties! At this point I was pretty much on cloud nine!!
We both knew the other had prior plans but weren’t done with each other. Luckily our plans didn’t have conflicting times. We resolved to do both things together and it was cool.
We went to breakfast around 2am and made plans to spend the day together the next day (Sunday). Spending the day together consisted of two church services (so yes, Jesus from 10:30-5ish) YES, she loves The Lord AND tea, has her SOUL together , the most beautiful deep mind, and did I mention mama’s beauty is equivalent to a cool breeze on a hot summer day?! After we wrapped up with church she told me we we re going to see Alvin Ailey!!! (Insert teenage girl like squeal here)
So nah, I didn’t have a valentine; but the whole weekend was crazy romantic in a way that suits me. My favorite things were included…. Music, friends, tea Hispanic food, dance, AND JESUS!
I call her serendipity cause I wasn’t looking for her(or anyone), but she’s sho ’nuff a good thing! I know a lot of y’all aren’t into joy and happiness,ha! As long as she’s around I anticipate lots of it. So far- Everyday with this woman is the 14th.

My feelings are best expressed trough song….
I was happy before but now…..

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LovHer 12/22

I love love love lovher parties. I’m not really big on going out but Adah Duval gives us a great parties on the regular.
I enjoy the crowd no ruckus, older set you know? Without being ancient and creepy. Well I will be there and I suppose other awesomes will be there too. Come out! See you at 10th and piedmont on Saturday night!

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What is closure?

*disclaimer* This post isn’t funny- hardly witty and wont be jammed packed with cursing- I’m improving on me-if you’re not interested in personal growth of yourself/others this isn’t for you. As always… IT AINT FOR EVERYBODY

I personally have a problem with closure- I feel like I haven’t gotten it in the breakups where I needed it most. But really what is “closure”? Like the door is closed! What more do you need? For me Closure is more about forgiveness and contentment. Where a lot of us get life fucked up is we think we need to forgive the ex for all the wrong they did to us and we believe we can only find contentment in their arms.  What I realized is that I need to forgive me for quitting on the relationship and that I’ve gotta be comfortable with me- I’m a dope girlfriend but I’m even doper alone!

I believe I’ve been in love twice in life- two times where I felt I never received closure in a way I thought I needed. I have a great deal of anxiety associated with this lack of closure.  My anxiety isn’t a terrible case but it’s enough anxiety that it sometimes leaves me feeling unable to breathe with ease and with no actual desire to move. One night I was up with a terrible bout of anxiety- I was trying to work my way through it without taking my Lorazepam. I made a comment about what I was going through on Facebook when a friend of mine asked me what was going on. Once I told my friend what it was that I was going through her solution for me was “You need to forgive them” It was that moment when I realized I had forgiven these women ages ago but still harbored resentment towards myself.

The resentment I had gone on unrealized just growing and festering. I’d thought for years it was the women who owed me something- some sort of finale. I was super wrong- I was pissed because I felt that no matter what these girls did to me I could’ve tried to salvage the relationship but I rightfully tapped out. I quit because I knew with them at that time I’d reached my breaking point- doesn’t mean I stopped loving them. I had to forgive me for quitting on a love that wasn’t dead. Hopefully knowing this will allow me to no longer love them beyond our current labels. Life has no rewind button and it never will. I need to live today and come to terms with yesterday and look forward for tomorrow. Once I realized what I needed to do- I had moment in life when everything was good. Now that I wrote this- I feel incredibly better!

My feelings are best expressed in song (sorry there wasn’t an actual video)